Dear Bloggie,

Heartache.

Do you know what is it...

Sitting in the office, I really cant help it...

What can I do to mend back this relationship....

Why is fate so cruel to me...

Dear Bloggie,

Its monday morning.

Had a nasty weekend.

Cant put things behind me as well as I had hope. In fact, seems like I cannot do it now at all.

I missed him...

But thank you all who have send me your loves, I really appreciate it. It really did help me to tide over somehow.

Okie, its back to work. =)

Dear Bloggie,

I have tendered my resignation on the 5th March.

Its rejected by my boss, he have asked me to go think about it and hope that I'll stay on. He promised that give him 1 year, just 1 more year to let the company go through some changes. So I told him I'll think about it. But well, I have thought about it, and have decided to reject his kind offer.

Anyway, I spoke to my HR Manager earlier on. My 5th March resignation still stands.

So my last day is on 4th April. [Edited]

Nope, I have not found a job yet.

Did I tell you that I gave him a chance after I realised he has cheated on me?

Yup, I burried everything behind me (well, almost everything) and still hold on to his hand, hoping that this time round, we are truly walking towards paradise. I thought what wouldnt break us, will only make us stronger...

BUT (yes, sad to say... there is a BUT) he failed me once more...

I felt so cheated again once more...

And strangly, I felt dumped. Even thou I'm not in the wrong...

Even thou the breakup is meant to be for my good (well, maybe it is if he kept cheating me), but I really love him...

Okie, I think... In my opinion.

He gave up this relationship is because he realised that the world is so big, and there are greener pasture outside. And I am definately one big block blocking him away from his "paradise"... Thus the only feasible way is to have me remove.

I have forced myself to pick myself up, and not break into piece like the last time round. I will walk away with dignity, as ultimately, I am NOT in fault... (okie, maybe a little here and there...) But somewhere not very deep down in my heart, I know I love him, and still want him back. Silly I know.. But this is love right?

At a time like this... Where supports are extremely important due to major changes in my life, I finally know who are my true friends.

Some of them are nowhere to be seen. I have to admit I was in denial stage earlier on, so maybe that pushes them a little aways from me. And maybe right now, I should be the one who have to lower my head down and approach them and tell them that I need help.

But, as friends... I dont think I need to do till that extreme to like beg for friends to come over shower me with the care and concern right...

Luckily, I still have a couple who have stood by me even when I'm denial, and is still on stand-by mode for me till now. Think I really have been very good friends to some, thus they have not given me up along the way...)

Anyway, thanks for those who have been with me all these while kae... I am sorry to trouble all of you now as I kept making dinner dates and all coz I really need some distractions and company.

Dont worry, I am not like last time. I am very calm and cool, and I still have that little sense of humor. (not alot, but just that pathetic bit little...)

Leaving him, is definately a catalyst of my leaving my current job.

For once, I have not been wishy-washy and letting things drag...

I want a fresh start, a new beginning.

If you are really my true friend, please just drop me an sms or email and tell me you love me kae...

Oh, and btw... I bought a new dog. A baby shih tzu, and Toffee is his name.

Dear Bloggie,

I will be tendering my resignation tomorrow.

Time to end all the miseries I had in the office.

Nope, I have not found a job yet. Going to be jobless a month from now.

Suddenly lost aim in life. Dont know what exactly do I want, and I also have no idea what have I achieve so far...

Have not finish my homework, have not found a new job, have not been spending time with friends, have not sort out my relationship issues, have not get over OO...

What exactly have gone well for me so far...

Dear Bloggie,

My darling OO has left me forever this morning...

I didnt even make it to say my final good-bye to him.

I love you darling...

I thank you so much for being a major part of my life for the past 6 years.

Love you.

Dear Bloggie,

The final installment for Harry Potter will be out on 21st July.

8 days before my birthday...

Can someone buy it for me for birthday pressie?? Till now, this is my MOST desired birthday pressie... *smile*

But I want it like 1st thing in the morning. Those pre-booked and collected at 7am once the store opened its door.

Note: Do let me know if you going buy it for me okie. I dont want surprises on this. I dont want to end up with multiple copies of the Harry Potter, or zero copy...

Dear Bloggie,

For dont know how long, finally I can blog about something good.

My work is going on well. (:x hope nothing goes wrong after I made this statement.)

My exhibition at Las Vegas is going smoothly. For once, praises are coming out from my boss's mouth. He said the post card and graphic panels are beautiful. It might meant nothing to you, but if all along, you have been criticised by him saying that you dont have an eye for beauty and whatever photos and whatever selected by me are deemed as rubbish, then the word, 'beautiful' is really a word made in heaven finally bestowed onto me. =)

Okie, in terms of work everything is going on well.

Tomorros is Jere's birthday. We're all meeting for dinner this evening. Its been quite some time since I saw everyone, so well... =) Happy birthday Jere. I have more or less took a little revenge for you. I have shown Allan's toot toot photo to quite abit of pple already... *smile*

Thats all, just a quick update. =)

Dear Bloggie,

Depress.

Think I'm going through pms.

Nothing seemed to be going on well at work and feelings.

I am feeling the "all-time-stress" again at work. I by-pass my boss and went straight to my big boss for help. Hoping to get a short-cut solution, but nope, I've got a more tedious solution instead.

Dateline is getting closer, thus I getting more anxious.

I want an escape route.

I know when facing failure, the last thing you should do is to run and hide away.

But easier said then done.

Me and xiang, I got no idea where are we heading to.

Absolutely no idea.

And bad things never comes alone.

My V3 suddenly decide to give up on me yesterday.

Its suddenly went blank, and could not be on back. I had it for only a year, its a xmas gift from him on 2005. Just past warrently, and I guess its not worth it to send for repair.

I'll need to buy a new hp today.

Sorry to those who are worried about me. I'm not fine, but I dont want to talk about it.

I am confused as I can be right now, I dont want any advise, I dont want to get hurt unneccssary again by any of your unthoughtful words, I dont want sympathy that makes me feels so pitiful. =)

Thats all.

Hope the rest of my 2007, will not be like the beginning of the year.

Dearest Bloggie,

Seems like I'll only be turning to you when I'm feeling the extremes.

The extreme happy, or the extreme sad.

Anyway, me and him is separated once more.

But well, I'm not feeling very upset.

Just disappointed.

No more crying fits and depression like last year... In fact its a rather peaceful event on my part. *smile*

I didnt blew my top, and what surprised me is I can still managed to talk nicely to him.

Okie, anyway... Do me a favor, dont ask me anything about it. *smile*

I'll talk and discuss when I'm ready.

*sigh* Apparently I'm always like quite cursed when it comes to festive. Last year, we broke up 1 week pior to my bdae chalet. And now, we broke up days before xmas chalet.

Errmm.. thats all.

Dear Bloggie,

Today is a day of both happiness and sadness.

Happiness coz its Karen's birthday. Happy Birthday darling. We'll be having the bdae this coming Sat.

Sadness coz its Leefen's last day at work. I purposely rushed tru my photography session at Vivo today, so I could make it back to the office for lunch with her. The last lunch.

Well, those who know me should knows that I am the more sentimental and emotional type of girl... I cannot take parting well... So I'm really upset. No matter what, her age is the closest to me in the office. And somehow, shes kind of a special girl. Shes not fake, shes straight forward, she have this blunt and no nonsense attitude which I coulnt take it initially. But slowly I learn to appreciate it and like her for it.

Well, we promised that we'll stay in touch. So Leefen, do call my out for coffee okie. I'll miss you, your loud voice in the office, you popping over to my cubicle and make fun of me, and exchanging the latest gossip.

Wish you all the best in your future endeavours...

And anyway, I hope this is the last of my lonely night.

Tomorrow is his last paper. I dont know if there'll be any significant difference, but well... I've waited very long for this day...

Been to Vivo City and Chanel @ Ngee Ann for photoshoot for the past 3 days. My feet aches like dont know what now. I think I'll need a good foot massage. Any good one to recommand?

Busy busy at work. Stress level up another couple notch. Let me know if you have any job lobang. The time of the year have come once again, I'm job-hunting again...

Dear Bloggie,

Lonely.

Home alone, okie... I've still got the company of 2 doggies. But well, I'm still feeling so lonely.

I think noone else in this world is like me.

Do I have a boyfrewn? I also got no idea... Does having a boyfrewn = always being alone? Even when I see him, his mind is always pre-occupied with other more important stuff.. I'm always misc. I try to tell him some of my unhappy matters, he'll just stop me and tell me my matters are all so misc and I should not bother him with it (even his dinner is more impt then the injustice I'm suffering from at work). I need to endure and not show my unhappiness and try a conversation to break that stillness between us. And all I got back is that quietness and that "is-she-talking-to-me, can-she-just-shut-up, i-am-just-so-not-interested" look. When I'm unhappy, he dont allow me to turn to him coz its misc matters. When I'm happy, he'll give me the "i-not-interested" look.

Oh god, what am I doing...

When has a relationship turns out to be like that??

Why am I always alone... I've got the car now, I'm on leave tomorrow.. But yet, I'm home alone now. Doing nothing.

Okie, I still got a paper tomorrow and I'm supposed to be studying.

But I can tell you how lonely am I now.

Can someone just come talk to me, accompany me...

Even my doggies cant be bothered with me. Call them but they ignore me, and walked further away from me to continue sleeping...

Dear Bloggie,

Today is my 1st paper.

Media Studies...

Why in the first place did I choose this module. Its freaking difficult. Looking at the past year paper, it looks like comprehension in those O level paper with the "very Reader's Digest passage".

Suddenly throw you the question on which philosopher said what and recieved what critism.

And there are like 15chapters, and in every chapter, there'll be a couple (if not more) philosopher or analysts making remarks over every little thing. I only need to answer 3 ques our of 8. How am I to spot what who said what will appear on that 8ques... (this sentance sounds weird...)

Okie, but whatever.

Recently getting pissed off at work. AA is putting on his best irritating behaviour or maybe its my pms working once again. I'm really trying my very best to make everything work. But everything is simply falling apart.

Okie, I have to go back to my books.

Pray for me kae...

Dear Bloggie,

Been quite some time since I last updated.

Exams next week. And I've been busy at work lately... But nevertheless, just a quick update.

Work

All of a sudden, AA decided to load me with loads of projects. For the marketing side, there are 3 major projects going on concurrently.

1. The newsletter 2007 for my dept, which will bring me to Vivo City from 27th to 30th November for photo shoots. And also some other projects like Chanel at Ngee Ann and well.. Others that I cant remember...

2. Fixture Brochure. Although say its a brochure, but its like 16 A4 pages. I've been on this project for a very very long time. But well, hopefully this time round I can finally get approval. Going to by-pass AA this time round. He made too much not constructive comments.

3. Global Shop 2007. My dept have a booth next year at Global Shop. This exhibition is at Las Vegas, and is from 7th to 9th March. Doing all the design work now... Working on a very tight dateline.

And other then the 3 projects, I still got to handle the Visplay account, and other "you de mei de"...

School

Exams coming next week. Damn stress... And till now I'm still revising Biz Law. I think I am emphasizing too much on Biz Law.. But well... I also dont know how.

Bus

Recently been meeting funny people in the bus. Ermmm.. Just yesterday, I met a se lang in the bus. But well, shall not elaborate it further. The thought just makes me flare again... And some funny students in the bus.. Well... Bus 72 is getting interesting.

Other then all this, life still goes on... Jere is coming back tomorrow. Close to a year since I've last saw him. Since his birthday till now I think. Hehe... Think he has changed much... Looking forward to all our gatherings next week with all of them. :)

And Xiang is finishing his exams on the 30th Nov. And today, he emailed me his latest study schedule. Can you believe it, 30th is his last day of exams, and immediately his lecturer is giving them prep class for nxt sem, and the 1st prep class falls on 30th Nov. And its on a daily basis till Dec...

Haizz.. I got nothing to say. And its like Mondae to Saturday. Where does that leaves me, AGAIN? I was thinking of meeting him EVERYDAY after work once his exams are finished. To make up of the last 4mths.

What can I say? I have come this far... But is it really far? This seems like only the beginning...

Okie, I got to go back to my books now. Pray for me kae. That I’ll do well…

I know theres no photos for a longlong time...

Came across these while trying to organise my laptop...

Its taken at a KL trip with Xiang last year I think...

?

?

?

?

Haha, all look so ugly..

Anyway, busy busy at work recently.

Suddenly theres so much work all coming at once... And all of a sudden, I suddenly felt that exams are actually that near. And I have not even started on it yet.

Oh my God!!!

Dear Bloggie,

This is my second post today.

I totally have no mood to work today. Why the time does pass so slow?

I think its raining again today.

The temperature in the office seems colder then usual. A warm hug would be good now.

I’m sitting here, wondering what can I do to myself so I can land up in the hospital. By then will he put down all his work and rush to my side, just to be with me like what I did when his hospitalized?

Okie, sounds nonsencical.

Never mind.

Nothing interesting at the moment in my life. Just that I tend to feel gloomy and depress more often then usual now-a-days.

Must be PMS…

3 weeks? I guess its 3 weeks… 3 weeks ago I started craving for Waffles from Café Cartel. Till now, I have not go eat it yet…

Oh, and I gaining weight again… How wonderfully wonderful.

Am I the only idiot who always gain weight and never lose it?

I have started my exercise regime of going workout for an hour once a week. Think its still not enough…

Okie, enough whining for now… Another hour to go before I can head home.

Save me…

Dear Bloggie,

In the office now, just back from lunch.

In the PMS Mode lately. Feeling very depress and down.

But I guess I’m okie, just the regular PMS thingie… W/o him by my side and my school results going down the slope… Well, all these definitely contribute to my depression.

It’s okie, I’ll still move on.

Exams round the corner. I cant help but feel stress. And because it’s the depression thingie, the urge to resign came back once again.

Okie, I’m going to stop whining.

Can’t tell you how imbalance I feel.

Dear Bloggie,

Please tell me how could two that are damn in love, talking about marriage two years down the road, suddenly become "we-shall-see-if-we-can-last-loh". If can after four years we are still together, then we are still together. If not then I believe its all for the best. But its four years, noone will know what will happen.

How come??

I totally during the most difficult time, we two should be encouraging each other, giving each other assurance that we love is able to with-stand all obstacle?

Isnt is like this...

Dear Bloggie,

I got the feeling that me and xiang, will not be able to pull it tru this time round.

Why does God have to be so cruel to me, putting me tru the same agony two times in a row?

I'm really not sure if I can be able to take the blow again this time round. And now, he already think we cant continue on, and yet he ask me to wait for half a year more, wait for his next semester to start, to confirm that we really cant carry on.

I told him not to make me wait like this, telling me its not possible and still asked me to wait.

Why cant the person I love just simply be with me?

After going tru so much with him, I am indeed a very changed person.

Changed to the better I think. But yet, why does this have to happen again?

What did I do wrong. Why does a bloody degree in NUS have to come in between the both of us... Why am I so much less important then his degree.

I really dont know why.

Can someone just enlighten me?

I just love him, simple love a man and wants to be with him. What is so difficult about it.. Why do things have to always turn out like this for me...

I'm scare... very very scare.

Dear Bloggie,

In the office now.

Feeling a little bored.

It’s going to be Mid Autumn Festival this Friday.

Mid Autumn is always such a special day…

There used to be this guy, who went for a show with me on this particular Mid Autumn. At Plaza Singapura, I could still remember. And since then, the movie and song, held such significance in the years to come. If memory didn’t fail me, we went to Ponggol Park after that. But it was too crowded, so we went to Seng Kang. And over there we had a little celebration for Mid Autumn Festival. No Chinese tea, no moon cake. Just candles and more candles.

Not an exciting date, not exactly very romantic either.

But that is the beginning… Of my first relationship.

My first serious relationship…

Memories are verge, coz I was only like 16. But somehow, things got rather sweet, and we got together.

I remembered our 1^st Valentine’s Day; he gave me a framed up jig saw puzzle. I remembered he brought me back to his house for dinner, the food his mum cooked. I remembered Chinese New Year at his house with his friends and family, and all the $1 coin. I remembered the day at his room, he showed me the amplifier he did in school and I was so amazed. I remembered him in my house, and me trying to cook him pizza. I remembered all the plans we have for future, and started our gold coin savings plan. I remembered he called in a radio station, and delicate a song to me. I remembered him waiting for me at Tampines Mall for me to end work at 11pm, so he could just send me home even thou he got school the nxt day. I remembered the day when I got my O Level results, the hug I wanted to give him while wondering around the blocks of HDB flats coz I got kind of lost among the identical estates. And also, on that fateful day at the lift lobby at my house, the 1^st kiss that he gave me.

But good times don’t last.

Somehow, due to my own personal reasons, I asked for a break-up.

Very sad, even I was shocked by my own actions. I could only say I was too immature back then.

I regretted my acts, but I couldn’t get him back.

He is a typical Scorpio. Cold, mysterious and stubborn.

So well, bring young and ignorant… I picked up my feelings and moved on.

Only months later, did I learned that I really did meant so much more to him then I expected. For 2 consecutive years, I received flowers from him on both my birthday and Valentine’s Day… Not 1 or 2 stalks, but dozen in bouquets with bears or in basket.

We did not get back together.

No happy ending like the Prince and Princess living happily ever after.

Doing a little calculation; this is the 7^th Mid Autumn ever since that fateful one.

We are still friends, not exactly the best of friends but he is one very special friend of mine.

He has his own life story now, and so do I.

But he is still a very special friend of mine… :)

Dear Bloggie,

I’m at home now.

On a Saturday night.

Cant tell you how upset am I over xiang.

Not because he left me home alone on a Saturday night. But the fact that he have like totally left me alone for the entire week. At times I even suspect if he remembers there’s a me.

No phone call, no sms, no meeting up, not even a dinner, no nothing.

Boyfriend?

Is that a boyfriend?

Maybe I’m better off without a boyfriend. At least I wouldn’t be upset when my hp didn’t ring at all the entire day.

I’ve got Media Comm assignment to hand in on Monday, but I have not even started on it. And I totally don’t feel like doing it now.