Cottage by the River

lunch time again.. but seems like its goin to end soon.. sianzz.. well.. last nite went shoppin wif qian and bought a top and skirt.. like the top quite alot.. frm zara wan.. thn after tat actualie spent moz of the time juz walkin ard and tokkin loh.. haf a nice evenin out loh..
well.. yest yk and i sort of haf a last tok.. so he admitted ther's tis girl.. well, maybe they are not together yet.. but thn ther's realie tis girl.. he ask mi a qus.. why am i behavin tis wae whn i learned of tat girl.. if the one who haf a gf nw is xiong, cle or whoever, will i react tis wae?? good qus.. i got no ans to it.. for certain i knw if sis or cle got a gf nw, i will feel happie for thm.. bt why izzit nw yk haf tis new girl n i'm so unhappi bout it. well.. the fact seems to juz lies ahead, but i'm not wellin to face it. thn i told him, i dun wan to be together. and tats my final verdict. do i regret it.. frankly speakin, i do.. i even tot of smsin him tis morn and tell him i regret wat i said last nite.. but thn i did not do it.. why.. i aso duno.. so now, i haf lost him forever.. a guy who loves mi and dote on mi.. why did i not accept him bac to my life.. good qus again.. but i dun haf an ans.. an ans tat he haf been pressin mi for so long.
and the job here.. huiyu said she's goin to resign soon.. either todae or tml.. how i do i feel?? i feel like givin up. i knw its not sensible of mi to do tat nw.. coz financialy, i cant afford to idle.. but thn the life here is getin disastrous.. wifout her, i guess its goin to get worst.. how?? i kept makin mistake.. and sum is due to my carelessness, while others is due to my lack of knowledge or coz xiao ren suo hai.. haizz.. life is so miserable.. i was tinkin of hangin on to it till the end of the mth, thn get the one mth pay liao thn resign, thn serve 2wks.. but thn its onli 3rd nw. can i hang on till tat long?? i realie doubt so.. haizz.. how??
seems to hit bottom low again. why am i alwaes hittin the lowest recently.. seems like ever since i grad, nth seems to be goin on well like tat.. either cant find job, or got job liao thn all the job is sum sucky jobs. or like my love life liek tat.. haizz.. i dun even wan to recall liao.. howhowhow?? i knw noone can ans mi.. i mean i choose it tis wae.. i choose to leave him, i choose to take up tis stupid job. god.. pls help mi..