Cottage by the River

Dear Bloggie,

Its like 4plus in the morning now, and I am wide awake. After this post, I will head back to bed and try to sleep again...

Monday after work, I was supposed to go over to Huili house for the night. Felt pretty bad being alone, so I thought it would be good for there will be someone to spend the night with me. We arranged to watch the korean drama series through the night. And we could both try to make each other feel better, try to motivate each other..

But while working, Jonas smsed and asked for a mahjong session. So well, in the end we arrange mahjong session. And other then Huili, Jonas and me, Emi and Jona's frewn was there as well. we started the game at 10plus 11pm and played through the morning. Game ended at 7.30am.

Tired.

Emi send me home. After which I talked to my mummy a little. Then I went to sleep around 9am. Was woke up by my phone around 11.30am. Frankly speaking, I'm still damn tired.

So I woke up, and slack around the house. Wanted to go back to bed. But had a movie appointment at 2pm. If I went back to bed, sure cant make it ontime for the movie. So I bathed and drag myself our of the house...

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.. I saw this show yesterday. I so much wanted to see this with him. But I asked him 1 day to see it with me. He told me no. He didnt want to make any promises. So well, I didnt dare to asked him again.

I fear rejection.

After the show, I was supposed to go down town to see the firework with Huili and frewn. But I was really tired. So I told Huili I will go back home first since the time is still quite early. And also mummy was at home alone. I wanted to at least have dinner with her...

After I reached home, I was soo soo soo sleepy.

I fall aslp on the couch at 7plus. I didnt even get to see the fireworks on TV, not to mentioned the real one down town.

But I guess its very nice.

I learn something in life.

I will always want something. And will feel terribly upset if I didnt get what I want. Well, this always happened in life.

Now, I'm trying to see things this way.

I would prefer something to happened. But if didnt, its okie.

Just like the Fireworks. I would prefer to see the firework, but since I missed the chance, its okie.. :) There will always be next year...

And also for him.. I will definately prefer to be with him. But since he think likewise, its okie. :) (But too bad, unlike the firework, there will not be a next year...)

Sad definately. But well, what can I do about it?

Nothing.

Xin is still upset. Very upset infact. Definately no deny.

Coz this is Love.

If he thinks his better off without me, he can find a better girl who deserve him more (which I think he really does coz his really a nice guy. A very nice guy). I can only give him my blessing.

Saying it is easy. To do it is difficult. But I'm trying.

To love him doesnt mean I will need to tie him down by my side. Thou I really hope to be with him, but if he thinks his better off without me, then well, I can only let him go.. :)

Haizz.. its 4.40am now. Think its time to head back to bed.

Well, I love him. Not a little, but alot. But I also hope his happy. If he cant find happiness with me, I hope he can find it elsewhere... :)

But a small hope still burns deep deep deep down in my hear. Hoping that one day he will come back to me. (Wake up xin, wake up!!! ERmm... Isnt me supposed to go back to slp??)

Hope God hears my little prayer...