12th December 2004

At 3.26pm, my grandpa passed awae.. He was admitted into the hospital last wednesdae, coz his not feeling well.. tings went okie, till fridae.. he went into a coma in fridae, and all the wae till sundae, wher he never woke up..

sad.. i am realie sad.. tis is the first time i lost sumone so close to mi.. even thou among all my grandparents, his the most distant to mi. but thn its still hard to let go..

i arrived at the hospital, the doctor has already removed all the equipment which makes him hang on.. coz his breathing is getin weaker, its a choice to either go to icu, wher they will need to use more equipment, poke more pins in him.. and he will at most hang on till nite. Or, to let him go.

So when he go, its a peaceful one.. no pain, no nth.. so slowly, his breathing becums weaker, and weaker, before it stop, and his heart beat getin slower and slower.. till it stops.

ever since his in the hospital since wed, my granny refues to go see him.. even thou after he went into the coma, and tings dun look brite.. tink she already more or less knws wats goin to happen.. maybe they do haf tat 6th sense.. his no matter wat, her soul mate for more thn half a decade. so on sundae, she went dwn to see him.. and tat makes it the last time shes goin to see him alife. it seems like his hangin on for the past few daes for her sake. not wating to let go, till she has cum to see him.. at times, its realie not up to u to believe anot in this will power stuff.. after the doc has plucked out all the equipment frm him, she left the room, and set rite outside the room.. once she left the ward, he aso left..

4 daes has passed since.. i am at the wake everidae.. mondae and tues i got half dae leave, compliments frm my boss.. and wed to fridae i will be on compassionate leave.. so everidae after wrk, i will head dwn to my granny place, and will stay ther till late.. i was ther overnite last nite, w/o slp.. u knw wat.. its alwaes after whn sumting precious is gone, onli thn u will knw how to missed and appreciate it. i regretted not tokin to him more whn his ard.. coz i was never realie close to him, i alwaes shun awae frm him whn he try tokin to mi.. coz i alwaes feel tat ther is no common topic betwn us, and i alwaes got the impression tat his veri strict. bt thn i realie regret it nw.. and after much tinkin, the onli memories i haf with him is a pair of snoopy shoes..

tml will be the dae wher he will be cremeted.. i haf been on and off cryin for the past few daes.. whn sumting triggers mi off.. like whn my granny started singin and cryin.. whn she does tat, noone ard can ctrl their tears.. i guess i will need to pack more tissue tml.. i am realie realie realie upset bout it.. will need to wake up earli tml to see him off for his last trip.. so i goin slp nw liao, didnt slp at all last nite, so feelin tired liao..

Okie, todae is sundae.. i had to wrk half dae yesterdae.. and after wrk xiang came pick mi up frm wrk, after lunch went his hse slp.. slp liao thn he sent mi home, thn he came stay over.. and todae, we aso spent the whole dae slpin.. realie loh.. duno wat got into the 2 of us.. we were just slpin the entire wkend.. tink both of us were just too tired frm wrk.. and all the rushin ard during the wkedaes..

aniwae.. kingsmen was not as good as i tink.. i realie regret leavin DTZ.. haizz.. sat first dae see my boss, coz he out of town mah.. his actualie quite firece, as i was expecting.. his the guy who interviewed mi tat dae.. haizz.. and as expected, the environment ther was realie not as good loh.. i realie regret.. i am definatley the youngest in my department, and i totally cant click with the pple ther.. not tat they are unfrewnly or wat, i got pple to go out for lunch with everidae.. but thn its just not rite loh, and i realie cannot explain why.. last wed, first dae of wrk, and sowly by fridae i already knw my wae ard beta, and i will slowly try to find my wae ard.. coz its like totally noone care wat i doin like tat de.. its like they just leave mi ther with wrk, thn they will teach mi. so u knw de lah, whn it cums to wrk.. thers no formula for it de mah.. u teach mi like tat.. but thn ther will alwaes be cases tat are diff de.. so i slowly go figure it out myself loh.. thn do liao let thm check, thn redo and redo.. its like aso noone realie cares hw much paper i haf waste by printin and printin it all over again.. and noone aso realie concern by my output tat dae.. thn sat my boss came in.. first time see mi, didnt even nicely greet mi like tat.. like i am here is veri li suo dang ran de liek tat.. i mean at least welcum mi abit mah rite..

haizz.. how?? who can tell mi wat to do?? shall i just resigned??

My temp job at DTZ ended yesterdae.. I was feelin kinda sad over it, as i got veri used to the wrk and staffs ther.. its like ermm.. its onli a week, and i feel so i am so one of it.. aniwae, helen(my boss) told mi the door is alwaes open for mi. shld i not like it ther, i am alwaes welcum back to DTZ.. and on the last dae, she gave mi a gift set frm body shop, and i happen to pass by body shop yest, and tat set cost ard 30bucks.. haizz.. she's realie a veri nice boss.. thou its onli a short 2 wks, but thn i actualie kinda missed her..

todae, i started my new job at kingsmen.. ermm.. actualie as expected, the staffs ther is realie not tat nice loh.. i tink i am once again, the youngest in the company. i see noone my age, they all look like they are in their mid 30s to 40s.. those uncles and aunties like tat.. haizz.. so its actualie kinda sianzz.. so i am actualie regretin leavin DTZ.. they are offerin the same pay, but thn wrkin hrs wise, DTZ is lesser.. its like onli 9am to 5.30 durin the wkdaes, and its 5daes wrk.. whick kingsmen is 8.30 to 5.30 and its 5half alt.. so nxt year i might even haf to gif up my p/t job.. its like realie sianzz loh..

The Singapore Idol just ended.. sad to sae, tat stupid sissy malay won.. haizz.. and after the show ended, i came into the rm, onli to discovered tat i left my hp at xiang's hse.. angry angry.. i mean i am already like damn sianz in the new office. and imagine i will be w/o hp tml.. so tat will make my life even more sianzz.. why like tat........