Cottage by the River

Dear Bloggie,

I have tons to do in the office. But I really got no mood to do any of it now… Till I get this off my chest.

I am very sorry.

I have to admit that till now, I’m still trying to accept and recover from the harsh fact that I have lost him forever. It is never an easy task, as we’ve been together for so long. I have always thought that he’ll be the one who will marry me and be the father of my children. I am not pointing fingers at who is at fault now, as I think it doesn’t matter anymore. What matter more is, how I am going to live my life from now on. All are history and are cast in stone. Thou a small part (okie, maybe major part) of me still yearns for him, but I think… Things has already reached this stage, it will not do any party good by getting back together.

I always pride myself in being a very good friend to all. I always want to be there for my friends in times of need. Thou I am insensitive and conceited at times, but those that I have regard as friends are all very dear and important to me. I have always tried within my means and go way out to do everything I could for my friends. I have always tried to not reject any invitations from my friends, make sure I turned out for all outings and help organize outings, lend a listening ear when it is needed, and provide a solution when needed.

X has commented that I am very weak-willed; always doing things against my wishes to obliged a friend. But this is not the case, I’m doing it not because I do not know how to reject my friends, more of I wanted to help them out even thou it is really way out of my schedule. I love my friends hence I want to help them, and make them happy.

At moments like this, friends are still coming to me for help. I am really happy that friends are still coming up to me; this shows that they believe that I can be of help to them in times of need.

But the selfish and negative monster in me is working hard in me. I am trying to find some inner peace in myself, to accept the loss in my life. Additional burden being added onto me by my friends are really not helping. It upset me to the limit when I see their relationship flowering and prospering while mine is down the drain.

AC has stopped confiding in me. But I know she is still trying to tide over this very hard period herself, but she has even taken the lead and has started to turn back and comfort me instead. Telling me I am not alone in times like this, and she and others will always be there for me. Some people have spent their entire life seeking true Friends and Soul Mates. It is true that I have suffered a heavy blow in terms of the Soul Mates department, but at I know I have scored full points for Friends.

KL also started talking to me after our regular jogging session. It has become a Catching Up Session rather then a Jog and Go Session. And KL and EG are also trying to involved me on their after Jogging activities, be it dinner or movies. I really appreciate all the little ways that they are trying to make me feel better.

I am also hanging out more often with JT, TT and HL. All of them are always there when I need company.

You know what; I think I really got wonderful friends. =)