Cottage by the River

Dear Blog,

Its me again, on a Thursday evening. I am now at home. Seldom come online on weekdays evenings. So since I am already here, thought I could just drop a few lines.

After the long weekend, I ended up feeling more tired. Everyday of this week, I have difficulty in waking up. So I ended up day dreaming in the office with Qianhui, wondering how nice it would be if we can dont work and all the other nonsense.

Yesterday, xiang went to meet him Poly classmates. Well, I followed too. Which turned out to be a drastic mistake. As I felt damn out of place with his classmates, and Esther and Jere happened to be in the vincity too (this is real, I didnt get them to come down. Everything was like so co-incident and fall nicely in place...) so I ended up having dinner with Esther and Jere instead of xiang and frewns.

Around 8plus 9pm, Esther wants to make a move home. So I got nowhere to go so I called xiang and asked him if his ready to leave or what. Well, guess communication sort of break down a little here. And I sort of attitude a little and all. And I ended up going home alone. And it took to 1 half hour to get home. I was like so damn bloody tired when I get back.

Actually I am really disappointed. Disappointed in him. I felt that I am not loved. Things was like so different from the past. When we first got together, then we asked his frewns out for supper. Knowing that I felt odd and all, he actually finished up his food in record time and left the place with me. But then last evening, he rather I go home alone then to leave his frewns. I know its too much of me to ask him to leave his gathering as they have not met up for ages. But then well, this is my blog, I shall say whateve I like. And I definately dont feel the way that I used to from him.

I smsed him say I am upset (twice. I forward the same sms to him Twice.) and he didnt even reply me. And I ended up sending a 3rd sms to him, saying that he dont care about whether am I upset anot and all. Still no reply. Till 9plus 10pm, then he called me. Guess thats when his gathering ends. And I refused to pick up his call. Trying to pacify me after the gathering?

Too late man.

Things change, feelings changed. I was thinking about the matter the entire day. We are definately not like the past.

He used to give in to me for everything. I am his princess. I can say and do whatever I like and want. But now, this is not the case. He have turned out to be so petty. I have to take note of whatever I say infront of him coz I dont know which sentence will provoke him. I no longer felt like that little princess of his.

I dont like it like this. I want to be that spoilt little princess where my boyfrewn will dote on me. Well, whats the use of me saying all this now.. He will never be the xiang that I have on a crush on.

Working life really make a person change. I think I have become more subtle for him, more like his little woman. And him, he feels that coz he earns for us (actually I find this statement damn unfair. I am also working, and I self-provide for myself...) so he deserve all the tender loving care from me. Like if his tired, I am like responsible to make him feel better, or just give him the space to rest.. But then his not the only one working. I dont think that coz we are both working, then we will need to lead the boring lifestyle that adults lead.

Well, I dont want to continue on.

I hate to be 2nd, I like to be 1st.

I want to be someone's little princess where I am doted on, showered with TLC.

Not like this.