Cottage by the River

Dear Bloggie,

Its me again, in the office now.

Going to the chalet tonight. First time in my entire life, I don’t really feel excited about going to a chalet. And further more, it’s to celebrate my birthday.

Thinking back, this is the most miserable birthday in my entire 22 years.

Thou I am moving on (I don’t have another choice do I?), but I am still feeling very upset.

Almost every moment that I have to myself – which is like very often, about 22hours out of the 24hours we have in day, I will have this internal struggle going on in my head and heart.

I know to move on is correct, but I still love him so much that I really don’t want to give up, I still want spend the rest of my life with him… I will think and think, and when emotions are strong, I’ll start to tear a little… But should the move on emotion is stronger; I can actually manage to feel happier for that couple of minutes.

I know the correct thing to do is to move on. After doing much thinking, I come to realized that his just a selfish coward. If he really loves me, he should be staying by my side, accepting me as I am. And not after so long then come tell me he thinks he got the wrong girl.

His not a perfect guy either, he too have his flaws. But I love him. So thou I whine and make noise about it, but I still accept it. Coz this is simply my Xiang.

I can do this, but he can’t. He chooses the easy way out, and that is to end the relationship.

Not even giving us a chance to talk through it, he only wants me to accept the hard and cold fact that his determine to end this relationship. Friday night still happily stay at his house, the next morning we still wake up damn early to collect my Harry Potter. He still gave me money to pay for the book. Then on Saturday evening, he asked for the breakup after an argument about him going out with one of his girl-frewns and didn’t keep me updated about his whereabouts.

But, I love him. Guys come in and out of my life. But this time round, I am really in love with this guy. I entered the relationship not out of infatuation, or coz his chasing after me. It’s simply that I know I love this guy. I do back then, and I still do now…

I still have no idea how am I going to handle my life from now on. But I will still try… to be happier.