Cottage by the River

Dear Bloggie,

I am so tired.

Physically and mentally.

There is so much that I want to tell him.

But I dont allow myself to depend on him anymore. Should I face any obstacles, I will have to go face it and go through it myself.

1. I took back my resignation letter.

2. I cried for an hour in AW's office on Monday.

3. As a result I'm very late for school.

4. Due to over-excessive crying, my eye got sore during class. Complete with the tearing and pain and all. And it persist till Tuesday before it got well.

5. There is a plagerism case in class, thus till now I have not got back my results.

6. Coz I got upset as I hope to see you on Tuesday after school, but coz you didnt even reply my sms when I told you my class ended early, I sped all the way back, and a TP was standing at the road shoulders at PIE. My speed was around 100km/hr++... So I'm worried now.

7. I was happy coz I played with Toffee this morning.

8. And I wore a new dress to work today. I want to mms to show you how cute I think I was. (Even Allan said I looked like a doll today. Okie, maybe I forced him to a certain extend...)

There is so much, so much stuff I want to tell you.

To keep all this in my heart, to restrict myself from contacting you, is definately not an easy task.

Drained off all my energy. I am so tired.

All I want to tell you is I love you, no matter what you have said and done, I'll want to wait for you to think stuff through and hope you'll get back to me one day. But why do you have to be so mean and crude to me, and force me to say otherwise. Why did you always make me want to say,"Get out of my life once and for all" when all I want to tell you is,"I want you back in my life forever..."

I know I am not perfect. I know to a certain extend, we are a mismatch pair.. I know you are re-accessing if we have a future together. I know.... I might not be the one you want after all. So why am I so stupid.

Why am I getting so damn upset, when you are happily enjoying ur singlehood.

What the fuck am I doing to myself.

Okie, give me some time.

Think I am just too tired today.

I need to go sleep now...