她..娴淑秀丽.
她..勤劳聪慧.
出身平庸, 不是富贵人家; 年仅十多就出嫁. 婆家可能没善待她, 可是她依然紧尊三从四得, 是位好人妻. 家里大小事都由她一手包办, 尽管环境恶劣, 她依然做好自己的本分. 胞姐妹看了心疼, 对她特别怜惜.
身为七个孩子的妈, 她总把最好的留给孩子们. 她从不浪费一分一毫, 也没在自个儿身上多花钱, 就因要把最好的都给孩子们. 孩子们看见妈妈辛苦的付出, 个个都很孝顺她.
就在孩子们成年后, 应该享清福时.. 老天爷并没特别眷顾, 她身体欠佳中了风. 丧失了语言能力,行动也不便. 一夜之间, 她的生活有了一百八十度的转变. 她没法照料自个儿的起居饮食, 样样都得依靠别人.
- 25 June 2011 -
The day begin as per normal.. but was interrupted by a phone call at 8am. Aunt called and said that she could not wake Granny up. The whole family panic and asked her to call for ambulance. I do not even have the time to chance and immediately make my way out of the house while contacting my Aunt.. checking which Hospital will they take Granny to. Deep down in my heart, I am preparing myself for a long "Hospital Path" with Granny.
Daddy only manage to drove to SengKang, before my Cousin call to inform us. The ambulance arrived with medical help only to inform us that Granny has passed away. I could not even finish the conversation with her; I broke down immediately. I cannot believe it.. Granny has left us.
Daddy sped all the way down.. We finally reach Granny's house.
I walked into her room; She is lying on the bed. She have this peaceful look and her mouth in curl up in a subtle smile. She looks like she is just sleeping, and will wake up anytime soon. But nope.. her body thou soft, but is cold. She has left us.. just left us, without saying Goodbye.
While waiting for the undertakers to come take Granny's body away to prepare for the funeral.. I just seat in the room looking at her. I know she is still around the house, I just want to keep her company.
The next five days went past in a swirl.. Everything is so surreal that I cannot believe all that has happen. All the ritual only manage to upset me further by nailing down the fact that she is gone. I do not want to offer her any incense or burn her any offerings.. these are things you do for people who has move on; I still cannot accept the fact that she is no longer with us.
Many regrets.. not spending enough time with her, not telling her enough that I love her, not doing enough for her. I.. blame myself not being able to let her see me getting married; I know she will love to have that cup of tea.
Heard many stories about her during the funeral wake.. seen a part of her that I never knew. A caring Sister, a great Mother and a fantastic Grandmother; giving nothing but the best to all. All the memories that she have with me are now precious and priceless, this is a lost that is so huge that till now I am having difficulties coming to terms with it.
-29 Jun 2011 -
Walked the last journey with her. My heart aches till no words could describe. I have this void that nothing can fill up that gap. This should not be how the story ends, I want Granny to be there with me forever. I.. want to see her smile, to feel her touch. To ask me to eat whenever I go back home, I want her to be around me.
嫲, 希望你现在是快乐的. 不要有任何牵挂, 安心的上路. 虽然有万分不舍, 可是也知道这对你来说也未尝不是一种解脱. 这十八年来你过得辛苦, 心怡知道; 可是还是很自私.. 就是喜欢和需要留你在身边. 对不起.. 我的刁蛮任性. 谢谢你.. 把我当成你心里的宝.
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