Dear Bloggie,

The year is coming to an end.. I have been busy with the launch of OneKey and all the X'mas shopping. Well.. am glad that OneKey has successfully been launch with 3 SP but that is the beginning of all our neverending work.


Have to take a break off work.. so uploaded some photos up here. ^^

This has been an emotionally tramautizing year for me. Granny's departure shaken me greatly. I learn to treasure family ties even more and never to take anyone for granted. It pains me to know that she will not longer be around me. But well.. she is constantly on my mind. It is my deepest regret that she will not be able to see me get married and have kids. And also not able to do more for her and spend more time with her.


But well.. life goes on. And I miss you Mah..
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And well... I went on a long break to China this year. Went to climb Huang Shan.. the most challenging climb I ever embark on. And went to Hang Zhou.. and visited Xi Hu. Simply breath taking.. I like that place. Then to Shanghai.. for a little shopping and took a cruise along Huang Pu Jiang to see The Bund.Took the bullet train to Beijing.. and had a long day at the Forbidden City. It is amazing that the Chinese build these monster buildings centuries ago. The place is giantic.. and the workmanship impeccable. Then to Tian Tan the following day... where the emperor worship the heavens. Okie.. we went to some other places too, like the Summer Palace and stuff.. But the building looks more or less the same so no point posting. :p So well.. imagine how much I've walked. =(Then then.. went to the Birdie nest and Shui Li Fang. Err... nothing impressive but well, touristy thing. The China Chinese calls us Hua Qiao (Overseas Chinese).. so just take it as we are finding back our roots and admiring our fore-fathers' contributions to the good of mankind. And what is a China Trip without the Great Wall of China! Other then Xi Hu, this is one of my favorites destination. Simple.. Amazing. The whole thing felt so surreal when you are standing there. You know.. you just have to go there once in your life time.

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And lastly... my Best Friend got married. Congratulations Darling. You have no idea how happy and excited we are for you. Gay Boyfriend is indeed one wonderful man that we can entrust you and your well-being to him entirely. Wishly you enternal bliss and happiness!!

Okie.. that is 30min gone and I have to get back to work. ^^

...

Dear Mah,

I cant help but tear when I think of you.

The exchange with 小姑 make me miss you so much. I realised i am not the only one that will be living with regrets for the rest of our lives.

It makes me treasure family ties more then before.

Mah.. I really miss u.

Dear Bloggie,

Well.. think a couple months since I last pen something down here. Life.. goes on.

Went on my annual trip to a new country, been lazy and I have not even posted the photos up on Facebook. But well, new place new experience. China is really one big country. Other then the fact that I dont really fancy its' people, I have to saw they have lovely sceneries and amazing buildings. Great Wall of China is really incredible.

Granny's been gone for more then 100 days. I think I really miss her in a way. I just miss not having her around me at all. But its real selfish of me.. I've been asking myself.. what have I done for her when she is still around. Almost nothing.. But she is feeling so much better somewhere out there with no pain and mobility. So well.. I have to settle that feeling of lost in me myself and be happy that she is indeed happier and better now.

Work has been a pain in the ass, I am still not liking my co-colleauges alot. Well well.. I am just not ermm... I dont know how to put it. But well.. I am hating it. And nothing much I can do about it.

I do not like how my life has fall into a routine. I do not like the fact that noone is doing anything to add in any spices. I miss the days where we meet and venture into new arenas.

Are every so busy that no one has the time to just stop and say hi? Or is money a constraint that no one are meeting up as cost is a factor?

*sigh*

I.. just want to be out and about. There are many things that I am thinking of doing.. but yet not yet done. Like will the Terracotta still be around for me to actually go see it when you finally remember and decided to bring me down? I want my weekends to be spent chilling out at some random cafe and not a quick lunch at some hawker centre and back home. Why we no longer have those good long meals anymore? I do not want to roam aimlessly at some shopping centre coz I have so much comittment now that I do not have much extra to spend! I just want to buy and not wait till my next HongKong shopping trip.. which is half a year later.

Maybe.. I should just plan my life as how I want to live it.

I don't know.. rather emo today.

Dear Bloggie,

I think.. I neglected this little cyber space of mine.

Anyway... random.

[1] I still think of Her everyday. But well.. not in a negative way. Just missing her.. missing her deeply.

[2] I am hooked on Tiny Towers.. at level 49 now. Well, just want to finish up the whole building and put everyone in their dream jobs.

[3] Read all all 5 Percy Jacksons in a week and I feeling a sense of lost. I am still very much in that mystical world.

[4] I finally manage to "de-clutter" my room. Threw away quite a bit of stuff and all I just need to get 1 more shelf and I guess.. all is complete.

[5] Gain back some weight... and I need to lose it back. Gotta go back to my Fish Soup Diet, but colleagues wasnt that helpful. So well, just got to try harder.

Dear Bloggie,

29 July in a couple of hours. Time flies, its time of the year again.. My Birthday.

Birthday eve.. and here am I at home all by myself. No more lavish celebrations or gatherings.. not much mood and I guess its the age.

Much has happened for the past 1 year.. Granny's departure, bought my first house, changed 2 jobs and made my virgin trip to Korea.

Tomorrow.. will just be another day.

But having said that.. Xin, Happy Birthday.

Dear Bloggie,

Somehow.. I am extremely unhappy. There is just this something stirring emotions deep down, unable to put it down in words, no idea how to describe.. but just extremely unhappy.

I've been having insomnia lately. Just could not get to sleep thou I am very tired. But yet I cannot stand idling around, random negative thoughts just fill me up and I'll start to feel lonely and depress. I gave my room a partial make-over last week.. been to IKEA almost everyday last week. Bought some stuff and gave a corner of my room a new look. I stay up till 1am last night tidying up the loose bits and now I feel like doing up another part of my room.

I am okie.. I know I am okie.

So.. what should I do now.

Dear Bloggie,

她..娴淑秀丽.
她..勤劳聪慧.

出身平庸, 不是富贵人家; 年仅十多就出嫁. 婆家可能没善待她, 可是她依然紧尊三从四得, 是位好人妻. 家里大小事都由她一手包办, 尽管环境恶劣, 她依然做好自己的本分. 胞姐妹看了心疼, 对她特别怜惜.

身为七个孩子的妈, 她总把最好的留给孩子们. 她从不浪费一分一毫, 也没在自个儿身上多花钱, 就因要把最好的都给孩子们. 孩子们看见妈妈辛苦的付出, 个个都很孝顺她.

就在孩子们成年后, 应该享清福时.. 老天爷并没特别眷顾, 她身体欠佳中了风. 丧失了语言能力,行动也不便. 一夜之间, 她的生活有了一百八十度的转变. 她没法照料自个儿的起居饮食, 样样都得依靠别人.

- 25 June 2011 -

The day begin as per normal.. but was interrupted by a phone call at 8am. Aunt called and said that she could not wake Granny up. The whole family panic and asked her to call for ambulance. I do not even have the time to chance and immediately make my way out of the house while contacting my Aunt.. checking which Hospital will they take Granny to. Deep down in my heart, I am preparing myself for a long "Hospital Path" with Granny.

Daddy only manage to drove to SengKang, before my Cousin call to inform us. The ambulance arrived with medical help only to inform us that Granny has passed away. I could not even finish the conversation with her; I broke down immediately. I cannot believe it.. Granny has left us.

Daddy sped all the way down.. We finally reach Granny's house.

I walked into her room; She is lying on the bed. She have this peaceful look and her mouth in curl up in a subtle smile. She looks like she is just sleeping, and will wake up anytime soon. But nope.. her body thou soft, but is cold. She has left us.. just left us, without saying Goodbye.

While waiting for the undertakers to come take Granny's body away to prepare for the funeral.. I just seat in the room looking at her. I know she is still around the house, I just want to keep her company.

The next five days went past in a swirl.. Everything is so surreal that I cannot believe all that has happen. All the ritual only manage to upset me further by nailing down the fact that she is gone. I do not want to offer her any incense or burn her any offerings.. these are things you do for people who has move on; I still cannot accept the fact that she is no longer with us.

Many regrets.. not spending enough time with her, not telling her enough that I love her, not doing enough for her. I.. blame myself not being able to let her see me getting married; I know she will love to have that cup of tea.

Heard many stories about her during the funeral wake.. seen a part of her that I never knew. A caring Sister, a great Mother and a fantastic Grandmother; giving nothing but the best to all. All the memories that she have with me are now precious and priceless, this is a lost that is so huge that till now I am having difficulties coming to terms with it.

-29 Jun 2011 -

Walked the last journey with her. My heart aches till no words could describe. I have this void that nothing can fill up that gap. This should not be how the story ends, I want Granny to be there with me forever. I.. want to see her smile, to feel her touch. To ask me to eat whenever I go back home, I want her to be around me.

嫲, 希望你现在是快乐的. 不要有任何牵挂, 安心的上路. 虽然有万分不舍, 可是也知道这对你来说也未尝不是一种解脱. 这十八年来你过得辛苦, 心怡知道; 可是还是很自私.. 就是喜欢和需要留你在身边. 对不起.. 我的刁蛮任性. 谢谢你.. 把我当成你心里的宝.心里有着许多的本来，还有想和你一起分享的未来。
感谢你对我从儿时的疼爱，无微不至的关怀。
千言万语都已太迟了。。不敢相信你真的离我而去。
永别了，阿嬷。

Dear Bloggie,

Its such a cold and wet morning!! And I hate rainy days.. :x It started raining in the wee morning and that woke me up. I got up to close the window and I accidentally tore my curtains. So angry can!! *pout*

Anyway.. Boyfriend's Birthday Updates!!

I.. really do not know what to buy for Boyfriend. Since his Lappie is in the 'cannot-make-it' mode, I thought.. might as well pay a little more and buy him a good Lappie.

I gave him the Lappie a couple of weeks before his Birthday. Coz he will be travelling to Europe, I want him to bring the new Lappie along then he can Skype me. Giving me the cheeky look... tsk tsk. U know, I very lazy to update now. I've got tons of work to do and I want to complete it. So..

- 4 June -

Let me see.. I can hardly remember the details of the day. :x I think.. We had Subway for Brekkie and did a little grocerry shopping at AMK before we head back to Boyfriend's home. I... nap nap, and he started on his Lego. He lug this back all the way from Germany you know!! Now tell me.. do I have a 31 year old with me or a 13 year old kiddo. Someone super excited... and while his fixing his Lego, he made his Potato Salad. His Secondary School Friends are coming over for a BBQ Birthday Celebration!!

The Secondary School Gang bought him a Birthday Cake.. So cute you know!! Happy Birthday Xiao Pang!! ^^Most of the photos turned out to be quite blur, so well.. ^^ I think I need more rest.. see the Panda Eyes!!

See.. its dark even in flash. Anyway, a group photo!! ^^

Baby Ryan helping Boyfriend with the Candles... ^^

The Guys head back to the House and chit chatted till the wee morning. After which, Boyfriend continue on his Lego. I seriously am very very tired.

- 5 Jun -

Wakie early and I had a full day planned out for Boyfriend!! Pressies from the Secondary School Friends.. More PS 3 stuff.

And while getting ready... my 13 or 31 year old must just play a game or two.

Its raining heavily!! He is scare of Floods while I am scare the rain will ruin my plans. But nevertheless, we followed the schedule and ended up at Prive. Why Prive... keke, coz thats the name of our New Home!

His Brekkie...Her Brekkie..

Well.. I had better Brekkie else where. Totally not worth the distance and price. :xThe rain is too big, there is no way we can take a 'lomantik' walk around Keppel Bay. So we headed down to the next destination - Grand Park Hotel @ Orchard!

But before that.. we make a detour to Goodwood Park coz I just have to pick up this Birthday Cake for Boyfriend. Its Mao Shan Wang one you know!

Happy Birthday my Dear!!

Us... ^^And then.. haha, Boyfriend just slack around the Room eating his Birthday Cake. Its so cute that he dont really wanna share with me you know!!

Made plans for a Korean Dinner at Amoy, but Boyfriend insisted that we should just pack back and eat in the Hotel. I know that Silly Boy thinks I have spent too much and wants to do some budget control. So.. we pack all our Favorite Food and head back to the Hotel for a feast!

- 6 Jun - Woke up to a cold and wet morning.

Had Brekkie at the Hotel.. and we took a stroll, hand in hand at Orchard Road at 10am. ^^ Ultimate Bliss you know!! We bought tickets for a 1pm show..

Just to side track a little.. I had been eyeing this BFF for the longest time ever, and I made Boyfriend buy me 1 after the movie. :x Its nice and I likie!!

- xx Jun -

Meet up with his Uni Hall-mates a couple days later.. Cant really remember the date. :x It was arrange that Dinner will be at NEX. So everyone happily meet at NEX and Bossson (reads: Boss's son) is late. So when he finally called and ask for exact location, he told us he is at Vivo City. *thunder & lighting* Bossson is super cute loh.. the guys all took out their mobile and starts to see when did they every mention Vivo. :x

Anywy.. Bossson took no more then 30min from Vivo City to NEX during the ultra Peak hour and we had a good dinner together.

Watched a show together after the good meal.. But before that, the guys just need to go to arcade and throw some balls. Well, kiddos at heart.

With that.. it ended Boyfriend's Bdae Celebration!! Happy Birthday Darling.. love love! ^^

Dear Bloggie,

I really am keen to update all the stuff here.. I am not exactly that busy, but I also do not understand why I cannot find time to just update this little humble space of mine. Anyway.. some of the events were so far back that I have no idea where to start.. so will just start with the more recent ones.
So so.. QH chose this place: Red Pig @ Amoy. I had wanted to bring Boyfriend here on his Birthday.. but he said that I've spend too much money and said we'll settle on cheaper food instead. I did so much homework before hand!! So well.. was glad that at least we came here to celebrate Bestie's Bdae. The girls... ^^ Not too sure from when it become a tradition of some sort, we will dump all the Boyfriends and the 3 Girls will gather for the Bdae Dinner. We'll make the guys come pick us up after dinner and join us for drinks. At times, more often then not.. the guys are starving. :p Had a big spread of food!! Me Like!!

Me and Bestie... ^^Ordered a slice of cake for her.. What's a Bdae w/o a Cake!! Happy Birthday Darling!!

Lovez, xin.

Dear Bloggie,

Seems like I have not been updating for ages. Well, its time for bed but totally not able to fall asleep.. had too long a nap nap this afternoon. Well, cannot help it. Its Bestie's Birthday yesterday and we had a good dinner with her followed by drinks with the Partners. Reached home and I stayed up for more TVB.. slept well after 3am. Well.. Its Sunday but Lizzie woke me up at 7+am!! She knock and knock at my door.. I am sho sho sho tired you know!!

Its Daddy Day, had Lunchie with my Daddy and Dinner with Boyfriend's Papa. And top it with Dinner with Bestie on Saturday night.. *sigh* I've gain a couple of kilogram I think. =(

Well well.. Feel like loading some stuff up.. I'll bring my hard disk to work tomorrow and post up some random pictures. =)

That's all for now I guess.. Let's all pray that it'll be a good week next week!!

Its 2 in the morning and i'm wide awake. Thought i could catch hold of boyfriend, but no such luck. Feeling the dread, lost and all other negative emotions. Not only coz of the lonliness.. Its something more then that. Daddy is still in hospital, but he seemed to be doing fine. Glad there is insurance, at least we do not need to think twice putting him in an A class ward. Thats the little comfort and privacy we could offer him now. Work is horrible as i am trying to find my directions again. Nope, not elsewhere. But just have to regain my bearings again. I felt all odds against me and i have to fight it out all alone. My body is at its all time weak again. Down with all the virus and that makes me vulnerable. My emotion support is thousands of miles away from me. I pray that this week goes by in a flash. I could bear it no more.

Dear bloggie, Life has been stressful in the office. I have not handle the working relationship well and its coming back to hunt me now. Nothing to biggie that I cant handle, but just hoping that You're beside me; going through this path with me.

Dear Bloggie,

Anyone seen my Fat One (picture as above), please contact me ASAP. I am missing my grumpy fat boy to the max. This is going to be a tough period ahead.. =(

Dear Bloggie,

Haiz.. Somehow, it felt different.

The sense of loneliness has set in. I miss the fact that He is so far away from me. You know, its just a sense of lost. Yar, its not forever.. but then.

I wonder how could Bestie handle it.

Dear Bloggie,

I've.. been gaining back all the weight I lost previously. =(

Thou there are still compliments around saying I still look slim, but I know my own body best.. So.. its back to all the zero carbo diet!!

Please let me know the determination once again. *pray hard*

走在一条不知什么路的提防上
眼泪却不争气得往下掉
忽然觉得世界只剩下一个轮廓
连高楼大厦在河中的倒影
也像裹了一层果冻般的不真实
我好想有你在旁边
回想自己究竟在别人生命中
扮演过什么样的角色
我真的应该好好成长了吧
去摔去痛
才能让我更成熟些
期待我还是可以常常写些东西给你
希望真的能够感受而记录下来微妙的改变
说不定哪一天我也会找到属于我真正的幸福

Ermm

Dear Bloggie,

As i sit here.. in the 6th PMM and 3rd Steering Comm, and into the 6th month of our Project with STEE.. Alot of mix feelings.

People come and go.. Mr. NL is gone, so is the 2 Leads for Apps. Even Mr. SY of STEE, a veteren of 17 years is serving his notice. From our side, CSM has left and so have no-EQ.

Project is facing big delay, people are worried and leaving.

许多的感叹，更多的不舍。。世上无不散的宴席，唯独我不能释怀。

Dear Bloggie, I am not exactly that free at work.. but I just have to upload this!! Over the weekend, I attended one of the most important and Life-changing event of EM. :) Wakie early in the morning.. together with Boyfriend, we went to picked up EM's Flowers. This Girl super sweet lah.. she not only prepared her own Hand Bouquet, but also 1 red rose for every lady guest. Okie.. not posting up her "Before" photo.. if not this will be a super long post. So the Make-up Artist at work!! He.. is good can! Very professional. :) The Bride is feeling happy after eating the Lao Po Bing I bought back from HK.. :)

Okie.. after an hour, here comes our Pretty Bride!! :)

Poor Boyfriend waiting the entire morning coz I was with EM..

This JP hor.. is super funny. But super lor soh. Keke.. but nevertheless, he struck the correct cords somewhere in me and I am tearing non-stop through out the whole ceremony.

Finaly.. time to exchange the rings. Its a Life-long commitment, here they are.. sealing the sweet deal. :)

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Tan!

The Catering EM got is good!! Pretty cupcakes..

The spread is really good.. I like!

With HL and EH..

Then then.. its time for her to throw her bouquet and see who is next in the queue. Keke.. HL and EH really want this I know, but unfortunately.. neither of them caught it. :)

A Group photo and I am Loving this.. We've been friends for more then a dacade and a Wedding unit us back together.

A photo.. with the Pretty withs with a tinch of Pink to end of my Post.

Congratulations Darling.. I wish you Happiness and Bliss. AT will be a Loving Hubby and I am sure thou life is not a bed of roses, but he will find ways to sweeten it for you. :)